Passages from the Life of a Philosopher

and he has likewise discovered the equation of the lunar caustic, a problem likely to prove of great value in nautical astronomy.” It appears that late one evening a cab drove up in hot haste to the office of the ‘Morning Post,’ delivered the copy as coming from Mr. Goulburn’s committee, and at the same time ordered fifty extra copies of the ‘Post’ to be sent next morning to their committee-room. 〈CONTEST FOR FINSBURY.〉 During my own contest for the borough of Finsbury few incidents worth note occurred. One day, as I was returning in an omnibus from the City, an opportunity presented itself by which I acquired a few votes. A gentleman at the extreme end of the omnibus being about to leave it, asked the {273} conductor to give him change for a sovereign. Those around expressed their opinion that he would acquire bad silver by the exchange. On hearing this remonstrance, I thought it a good opportunity to make a little political capital, which might perhaps be improved by a slight delay. So I did not volunteer my services until a neighbour of the capitalist who possessed the sovereign had offered him the loan of a sixpence. It was quite clear that the borrower would ask for the address of the lender, and tolerably certain that it would be in some distant locality. So, in fact, it turned out: Richmond being the abode of the benevolent one. Other liberal individuals offered their services, but they only possessed half-sovereigns and half-crowns. 〈A JUDICIOUS LOAN—SIXPENCE.〉 In the mean time I had taken from my well-loaded breast-pocket one of my own charming addresses to my highly-cultivated and independent constituents, and having also a bright sixpence in my hand, I immediately offered the latter as a loan, and the former as my address for repayment. I remarked at the same time that my committee-room on Holborn Hill, at which I was about to alight, would be open continually for the next five weeks. This offer was immediately accepted, and further extensive demands were instantly made upon my pocket for other copies of my address. My immediate neighbour, having read its fascinating contents, applied to me for more copies, saying that he highly agreed with my sound and patriotic views, would at once promise me six votes, and added that he would also immediately commence a canvass in his own district. On arriving at my committee-room I had already acquired other supporters. Indeed, I am pretty sure I carried the whole of my fellow-passengers with me: for I left the omnibus amidst the hearty cheers of my newly-acquired friends. {274} 〈REPAID WITH COMPOUND INTEREST.〉 About a year or two after this long-forgotten loan, I received a letter from a gentleman whose name I did not recognize as being one of my too numerous cor­res­pon­dents. It commenced thus:—“Sir, I am the gentleman to whom you lent sixpence in the omnibus.” He then went on to state, in terms too flattering for me to repeat, that he had watched the Finsbury election with the greatest interest, and much deplored the taste of the electors in rejecting so, &c. &c., a candidate. My friend then informed me of an approaching vacancy in the borough of Stroud, in which town he resided. He proceeded to give me an outline of the state of opinion, and of the wants of the electors, and concluded by saying he was certain that my opinions would be very favourably received. He also assured me, if I decided on offering my services to the constituency, that he should have great pleasure in giving me every support in his power. In reply, I cordially thanked him for his generous offer, but declined the proposed honour. In fact, I was not peculiarly desirous of wasting my time for the benefit of my country. The constituency of Finsbury had already expressed their opinion that Mr. Wakley and Mr. Thomas Duncombe were fitter than myself to represent them in Parliament, and in that decision I most cordially concurred. During some of the early contests for the borough of Marylebone, it too frequently occurred that ladies drove round to their various tradesmen to canvass for their votes, threatening, in case of refusal, to withdraw their custom. This unfeminine conduct oc­ca­sion­al­ly drew upon them unpleasant though well-deserved rebukes. 〈DISGRACEFUL CANVASSING.〉 In one of those contests I took a considerable interest in favour of a candidate whom I shall call Mr. A. Meeting {275} a very respectable tradesman—a plumber and painter, whom I had employed in decorating my own house—I asked him how he intended to vote. He replied that he wished to vote for Mr. A., but that one of his customers had been to his shop and asked him to vote for Mr. Z., threatening, in case he declined, never to employ him again. I inquired whether his customer’s house was larger than mine, to which he replied that mine was twice the size of the other. I then asked whether his customer was a younger man than myself, to this he replied, “He is a much older man.” I then asked him what he would do if I adopted the same line of conduct, and insisted on his voting for my friend Mr. A. This query was unanswerable. Of course I did not attempt to make him violate his extorted promise. Such conduct is disgraceful, and if of frequent occurrence would have a tendency to introduce the vote by ballot; a mode of voting for rep­re­sen­ta­tives which, in my opinion, nothing short of the strongest necessity could justify. The election for Finsbury gave occasion to the following jeu d’esprit, which, as a specimen of the electioneering squibs of the day, I give in extenso:—