Mortal Coils

Ah, mon petit bouton de rose. SIMONE. Oh, naughty, naughty! Not now, my Paul; you must wait till some other time. PAUL. I burn with impatience. SIMONE. Quelle fougue! Listen, then. In an hour's time, Paul chéri, in my boudoir; I shall be alone. PAUL. An hour? It is an eternity. SIMONE (_playfully_). An hour. I won't relent. Till then, my Paul. (_She blows a kiss and runs out: the scenery trembles at her passage._) (PAUL _looks at the cheque, then pulls out a large silk handkerchief and wipes his neck inside his collar_.) (DOLPHIN _drifts in from the left. He is smoking a cigarette, but he does not seem to be enjoying it_.) PAUL. Alone? DOLPHIN. Alas! PAUL. Brooding on the universe as usual? I envy you your philosophic detachment. Personally, I find that the world is very much too much with us, and the devil too; (_he looks at the cheque in his hand_) and above all the flesh. My god, the flesh.... (_He wipes his neck again_.) DOLPHIN. My philosophic detachment? But it's only a mask to hide the ineffectual longings I have to achieve contact with the world. PAUL. But surely nothing is easier. One just makes a movement and impinges on one's fellow-beings. DOLPHIN. Not with a temperament like mine. Imagine a shyness more powerful than curiosity or desire, a paralysis of all the faculties. You are a man of the world. You were born with a forehead of brass to affront every social emergency. Ah, if you knew what a torture it is to find yourself in the presence of someone a woman, perhaps--someone in whom you take an interest that is not merely philosophic; to find oneself in the presence of such a person and to be incapable, yes, physically incapable, of saying a word to express your interest in her or your desire to possess her intimacy. Ah, I notice I have slipped into the feminine. Inevitably, for of course the person is always a she. PAUL. Of course, of course. That goes without saying. But what's the trouble? Women are so simple to deal with. DOLPHIN. I know. Perfectly simply if one's in the right state of mind. I have found that out myself, for moments come alas, how rarely!--when I am filled with a spirit of confidence, possessed by some angel or devil of power. Ah, then I feel myself to be superb. I carry all before me. In those brief moments the whole secret of the world is revealed to me. I perceive that the supreme quality in the human soul is effrontery. Genius in the man of action is simply the apotheosis of charlatanism. Alexander the Great, Napoleon, Mr. Gladstone, Lloyd George--what are they? Just ordinary human beings projected through the magic lantern of a prodigious effrontery and so magnified to a thousand times larger than life. Look at me. I am far more intelligent than any of these fabulous figures; my sensibility is more refined than theirs, I am morally superior to any of them. And yet, by my lack of charlatanism, I am made less than nothing. My qualities are projected through the wrong end of a telescope and the world perceives me far smaller than I really am. But the world--who cares about the world? The only people who matter are the women. PAUL. Very true, my dear Dolphin. The women.... (_He looks at the cheque and mops himself once more with his mauve silk handkerchief_.) DOLPHIN. To-night was one of my moments of triumph. I felt myself suddenly free of all my inhibitions. PAUL. I hope you profited by the auspicious occasion. DOLPHIN. I did. I was making headway. I had--but I don't know why I should bore you with my confidences. Curious that one should be dumb before intimates and open one's mind to an all but stranger. I must apologise. PAUL. But I am all attention and sympathy, my dear Dolphin. And I take it a little hardly that you should regard me as a stranger. (_He lays a hand on Dolphin's shoulder._) DOLPHIN. Thank you, Barbazange, thank you. Well, if you consent to be the receptacle of my woes, I shall go on pouring them out.... Miss Toomis.... But tell me frankly what you think of her. PAUL. Well.... DOLPHIN. A little too ingenuous, a little silly even, eh? PAUL. Now you say so, she certainly isn't very intellectually stimulating. DOLPHIN. Precisely. But ... oh, those china-blue eyes, that ingenuousness, that pathetic and enchanting silliness! She touches lost chords in one's heart. I love the Chromatic Fantasia of Bach, I am transported by Beethoven's hundred-and-eleventh Sonata; but the fact doesn't prevent my being moved to tears by the last luscious waltz played by the hotel orchestra. In the best constructed brains there are always spongy surfaces that are sensitive to picture postcards and Little Nelly and the End of a Perfect Day. Miss Toomis has found out my Achilles's heel. She is boring, ridiculous, absurd to a degree, but oh! how moving, how adorable. PAUL. You're done for, my poor Dolphin, sunk--spurlos. DOLPHIN. And I was getting on so well, was revelling in my new-found confidence, and, knowing its transience, was exploiting it for all I was worth. I had covered an enormous amount of ground and then, hey presto! at a blow all my labour was undone. Actuated by what malice I don't know, la Lucrezia swoops down like a vulture, and without a by-your-leave or excuse of any kind carries off Miss Toomis from under my very eyes. What a woman! She terrifies me. I am always running away from her. PAUL. Which means, I suppose, that she is always pursuing you. DOLPHIN. She has ruined my evening and, it may me, all my chances of success. My precious hour of self-confidence will be wasted (though I hope you'll not take offence at the word)--wasted on you. PAUL. It will return. DOLPHIN. But when--but when? Till it does I shall be impotent and in agony. PAUL. I know the agony of waiting. I myself was engaged to a Rumanian princess in 1916. But owing to the sad collapse in the Rumanian rate of exchange I have had to postpone our union indefinitely. It is painful, but, believe me, it can be borne. (_He looks at the cheque and then at his watch_.) There are other things which are much worse. Believe me, Dolphin, it can be borne. DOLPHIN. I suppose it can. For, when all is said, there are damned few of us who really take things much to heart. Julie de Lespinasses are happily not common. I am even subnormal. At twenty I believed myself passionate: one does at that age. But now, when I come to consider myself candidly, I find that I am really one of those who never deeply felt nor strongly willed. Everything is profoundly indifferent to me. I sometimes try to depress myself with the thought that the world is a cess-pool, that men are pathetic degenerates from the ape whose laboriously manufactured ideals are pure nonsense and find no rhyme in reality, that the whole of life is a bad joke which takes a long time coming to an end. But it really doesn't upset me. I don't care a curse. It's deplorable; one ought to care. The best people do care. Still, I must say I should like to get possession of Miss Toomis. Confound that Grattarol woman. What on earth did she want to rush me like that for, do you suppose? PAUL. I expect we shall find out now. (PAUL _jerks his head towards the left._ LUCREZIA _and_ AMY _are seen entering from the garden_, LUCREZIA _holds her companion's arm and marches with a firm step towards the two men_. AMY _suffers herself to be drugged along_.) LUCREZIA. Vicomte, Miss Toomis wants you to tell her all about Correggio. AMY (_rather scared_). Oh, really--I.... LUCREZIA. And (_sternly_)--and Michelangelo. She is so much interested in art. AMY. But please--don't trouble.... PAUL (_bowing gracefully_). I shall be delighted. And in return I hope Miss Toomis will tell me all about Longfellow. AMY (_brightening_). Oh yes, don't you just love Evangeline? PAUL. I do; and with your help, Miss Toomis, I hope I shall learn to love her better. LUCREZIA (_to_ DOLPHIN, _who has been looking from_ AMY _to the_ VICOMTE _and back again at_ AMY _with eyes that betray a certain disquietude_). You really must come and look at the moon rising over the hills, Mr. Dolphin. One sees it best from the lower terrace. Shall we go? DOLPHIN (_starts and shrinks_). But it's rather cold, isn't it? I mean--I think I ought to go and write a letter. LUCREZIA. Oh, you can do that to-morrow. DOLPHIN. But really. LUCREZIA. You've no idea how lovely the moon looks. DOLPHIN. But I must.... LUCREZIA (_lays her hand on his sleeve and tows hint after her, crying as she goes_). The moon, the moon.... (PAUL _and_ AMY _regard their exit in silence_.) PAUL. He doesn't look as though he much wanted to go and see the moon. AMY. Perhaps he guesses what's in store for him. PAUL (_surprised_). What, you don't mean to say you realised all the time? AMY. Realised what? PAUL. About la belle Lucrezia. AMY. I don't know what you mean. All I know is that she means to give Mr. Dolphin a good talking to. He's so mercenary. It made me quite indignant when she told me about him. Such a schemer, too. You know in America we have very definite ideas about honour. PAUL. Here too, Miss Toomis. AMY. Not Mr. Dolphin. Oh dear, it made me so sad; more sad than angry. I can never be grateful enough to Signorina Grattarol. PAUL. But I'm still at a loss to know exactly what you're talking about. AMY. And I am quite bewildered myself. Would you have believed it of him? I thought him such a nice man. PAUL. What has he done? AMY. It's all for my money, Miss Grattarol told me. She knows. He was just asking me to marry him, and I believe I would have said Yes. But she came in just in the nick of time. It seems he only wanted to marry me because I'm so rich. He doesn't care for me at all. Miss Grattarol knows what he's like. It's awful, isn't it? Oh dear, I wouldn't have thought it of him. PAUL. But you must forgive him, Miss Toomis. Money is a great temptation. Perhaps if you gave him another chance.... AMY. Impossible. PAUL. Poor Dolphin! He's such a nice young fellow. AMY. I thought so too. But he's false. PAUL. Don't be too hard on him. Money probably means too much to him. It's the fault of his upbringing. No one who has not lived among the traditions of our ancient aristocracy can be expected to have that contempt, almost that hatred of wealth, which is the sign of true nobility. If he had been brought up, as I was, in an old machicolated castle on the Loire, surrounded by ancestral ghosts, imbued with the spirit of the Crusaders and preux chevaliers who had inhabited the place in the past, if he had learnt to know what noblesse oblige really means, believe me, Miss Toomis, he could never have done such a thing. AMY. I should just think he couldn't, Monsieur de Barbazange. PAUL. You have no idea, Miss Toomis, how difficult it is for a man of truly noble feelings to get over the fact of your great wealth. When I heard that you were the possessor of a hundred million dollars.... AMY. Oh, I'm afraid it's more than that. It's two hundred million. PAUL. ... of two hundred million dollars, then ... it only makes it worse; I was very melancholy, Miss Toomis. For those two hundred million dollars were